Going Home

I was a little nervous about posting this because I've never really written anything before that I've allowed other people to read, but I thought I would give it a go.

She walked down the road but she wasn't focused on her destination. It seemed like only yesterday that she had been sipping coffee on the balcony of the beach house with her three friends. Her mind couldn't comprehend how much had changed in a few short months. How had she gotten to this point? Why couldn't she have been content with the way things were before? Here she was working some dead end job at a hotel, all because she had thought her life wasn't good enough. Looking back now she realized how good her life had really been. Her family was amazing, her friends were always there for her, and her boyfriend had been entirely devoted to her. What had made her decide that she needed something different? She remembered the night she had stormed out of her parent's house yelling that she would never again set foot in that house again. So far she had kept her promise. It had been four months and she doubted that her parents even knew where she was. Why was she so stubborn? She missed everybody back home like crazy and knew that if she went back her parents would probably be there with open arms, but something kept stopping her from jumping in her car and heading back west. Why did she choose to escape to Nevada? There was nothing here but desert that stretched on for miles and miles. She longed for the ocean, the smell of the salt, the waves breaking against her feet. She had thought she had left because no one understood her but now she realized it was because she didn't understand herself. her thoughts were confused and she was more lonely then she had ever been. She wondered if her friends would ever forgive her for just walking away and then her thoughts strayed to Miles. He was the perfect guy and he had loved her. She had loved him back, or at least she had thought she did. Over the past weeks she questioned whether it would have been so easy to leave if she had really loved him. She didn't even say goodbye. what kind of person does that? lately it felt as though everything was collapsing around her. Life could be so unfair. But wait..she had done this. She couldn't blame anyone or anything for what had happened. Those months before she exploded and left were hard. She had felt like she was in a trap but she didn't know why. even now she couldn't put a finger on what had gone wrong. Mayve something was wrong with her. She missed Miles the most. It had been a long time since she had been single and she realized now that she had taken Miles for granted. A guy like that isn't easily found and she had been lucky to have him. Why was she only realizing this now? Maybe if she had thought things through before she left she would have come up with all of this, but now it was too late. Or was it? Why oculdn't she just pick up her phone and call her parents or Miles, or even one of her friends? The thought was appealing to her, but she also wondered if she could handle the disappointment she would hear in their voices. Just the thought made her want to weep. How much had she hurt them?Doubt filled her as she thought about what they would think of her. What if they didn't even want to see or hear from her? The idea of her parents rejecting her pierced her heart and thinking about Miles not wanting to see her was even worse. How could she have left? Not until this moment did she realize how much she needed them all. she was slowly falling apart. It was as if she was being ripped apart from the inside out. she didn't knwo if she could take it anymore. She left work early with the excuse that she wasn't feeling well. This wasn't a lie considering she felt as though a million weights were being pressed upon her from all directions. She had thought she would find solace in her apartment, but looking at her scantily furnished living room, it only made her realize how alone she really was. She curled up on the couch and wept. It felt as though she was drifting away. Her tears and trembling brought weariness and she slowly drifted to sleep. while she slept, she dreamed. They were filled with her family and the happy times they all used to have together. the ringing of the phone jolted her awake. She wasn't sure who would be calling because only her work had that number. she reached for the phone and answered wiht a curious, "hello?" The voice that replied was like an answer to a prayer. all it said was, "lacey?" she took a few calming breaths and then, "mom?! how did you get this number?" "we tracked it down, oh baby we've been so worried!" They had been worried...suddenly things didn't seem so bad. "I thought you would never want to talk to me again." "We never gave up on you." Those words were all it took. Lacey was going home.