My life since this past december

I know it's practically been an eternity since I last blogged but lately I've just had the urge to write a blog. So much has been going on lately and I have all these feelings and thoughts and I feel like if I write them down maybe a weight will be lifted or I'll feel better.

As all of you probably know, in the beginning of December my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor. This is not news that anyone ever wants to hear and I know that for me it was the most shocking thing ever. I felt winded and alone. Nothing could have prepared me for that. The week following the diagnosis was a crazy whirlwind. Mom was in the hospital for about a week, she had scans and tests done constantly, there was biopsy taken of the tumor, family flew in and out. It was just really busy. After the family was all gone Jerusha and I went to the hospital everyday to visit mom and have lunch with dad. Talia, Jerusha, and I decided that we needed to do something for mom so that she would know how much we cared. We bought four simple heart necklaces and gave one of course to mom. All four of us wear them everyday and we will until mom is completely better. There are days where I just sit here and finger it and somehow it makes me feel better. I don't know why or how, but it's a comfort.

After the initial shock we kind of got into a routine. Mom went into the hospital every other week from Tuesday to Friday for her chemo treatments and she was doing really well. We were hopeful, cheerful even. There were of course hard days. Days when you could tell all of us were tired and sad, but through all of it we had the comfort of our Savior and that sustained us. Not to mention things were looking so good. The tumor had decreases by almost 95%. How could we not be happy about that?

Then you know that just a couple weeks ago we discovered that mom's tumor had grown back by a very substantial amount. That day was horrible. Seriously. It just kept going through my head, "how much more of this can we take?" I felt like it was bad news after bad news. It was hard. It sucked. That's what we're living with right now. We're making decisions about what we should do and what kind of treatments should take place. It's hard to always be happy and cheerful. It's hard to always wear a smiling face when you're scared and sad on the inside.

But you know what? We'll get through this too. God is not going to give us more then we can handle. He will see us through this just as He has seen us through all other events in our lives.

And you know what helps? All the amazing people in my life. Seriously. There really aren't words to express my thankfulness to all the people who have been so wonderful. Some of them don't even say anything. Sometimes its that extra hug they give you that just says that they're there for you. Maybe it's them getting their shift covered at work so they can come be with you. It's the best friend who answers whenever you call or text so that she can be there for you. It's the sister who knows exactly what I'm going through and how to comfort me. Everybody is so great. I really wouldn't know how to handle this all without them.

Talia and I were talking one day about how some people seem to think that after you're used to the circumstances, you're fine. That you're totally able to talk to them about everything and you can be cheerful about it. I know they don't mean to be insensitive but sometimes it feels like that and you know when they ask how you're doing, they don't expect you to actually pour your heart out to them. So Talia says to find those few people that you know you can always be honest with you and who you can share everything with, who you can cry with, and who won't judge you for the breakdowns you have every now and then. And that's what I've done. I have my few people that I can always talk to and that helps so much.

So that's kind of what it's been like lately. It's up and down all the time. Sometimes I'm happy and hopeful, but sometimes I wake up and it all comes down on me and I have a mini breakdown. It can seem like too much handle sometimes, but then I immerse myself in Scripture and talk to those people and it gets better.

We have a great God and I know He's gonna see my mom through this. With all the emotions I go through I can't even imagine what it must be like for my mom. I don't want her to be scared, I don't want her to have to suffer. I want her to be able to do all the things she loves. I want her to be 100% healthy again. So that's what I'll keep praying for. And I'll keep fingering this little heart around my neck until that health is achieved.

Thanks for listening to me.

I love my mom. She's amazing.

Trusting

Hello dear blogging world!

I'm just popping in to say a few things about this evening's women's Biblestudy. I must say it was rather wonderful, not to mention it really made you think, which I love!

We're still studying Isaiah and it's amazing how much there is in that one book. Every chapter teaches you something new and shows you something that you need to dwell on.

This evening's study really focused on trusting God and learning that no matter what happens nothing else in our lives can help us or give us the strength that we need besides the Creator God. I think so often we all forget to trust in God for all things. Little things happen that are a concern to us but we almost have this attitude that God wouldn't care about that so we shouldn't come to Him about it. What a mistake to be thinking like that! Coming to our Lord with things that seem small is what takes away our burdens and helps us find the solutions to our problems. What a comfort right?!
I think people can take this the wrong way though too. Some have the attitude that they should just throw up their hands, sit back, and let God take care of it all because they're "trusting in Him." That's not what trusting in Him means. God gives us what we need to live. We need to be grateful for all that He has provided for us and use those things to always glorify Him and carry out His will. There are so many people out there who try to tell us how to think and how to live and often it sounds really good, but we have got to stay grounded in our faith. Our minds cannot be swept around with ever false wind that blows about. God gave us His Word through the Bible and that is where we need to stay grounded. Looking to Scripture should be our first response during times of trouble and joy. God is so easily taken for granted and I don't ever want to do that. Would we ever find any comfort without Him? I know I wouldn't.

It was definitely an interesting discussion tonight and one that really made you pause and take a step back to look at yourself. It made you ask, "what could I be doing to make sure my faith doesn't waver?"

Anyways I just thought it was really good and wanted to share it with all of you.
Have a wonderful night and tomorrow!
Hugs and kisses

Song of the moment

I don't know if any of you have ever listened to The Weepies, but I love them. They're very folksie and relaxing. One of their songs, Citywide Rodeo, is one of my favorites right now. It's so beautiful and I love the words. I would definitely recommend looking it up.


"Citywide rodeo, you set on the stage
Where all the clowns will go when they feel their age
I know that you think you're not good for anything
The world makes you feel so small
Get on your wooden horse
This is a ride, not a fight
No need to save face, say goodnight, Grace
"Good night, Grace."
There's dust on the stadium seats, there's dust in your hair
You wonder how fast you'll go when you hit the air
And oh, isn't it strange how things can change you?
And oh, isn't it plain that some things unname you
So don't ask anybody else.
Citywide rodeo, step into your car
Look up at the indigo and pick out your star."

It's me

Ok so I'm finally doing this! and I promise I didn't cheat, it just took me awhile to get around to it. =)

Here are the rules!!

Take a picture of yourself right now.

No primping or preparing.

Just snap a picture.

Load the picture onto your blog.

Tag some people to play along.

Now to tag some people,

I tag Ashlei

Susan,

and Rachel.

Have fun ladies! Can't wait to see your gorgeous faces!

One of those days

So yesterday I was kind of in a bad mood. I didn't really have a reason to be, but all the same I was easily irritated and annoyed with so many things and people. When I finally got home from work and had dinner I went to my room with a cup of coffe and tried to give myself an attitude adjustment.
I was sitting there at my desk and I looked and saw my Bible. I automatically picked it up and started just flipping pages waiting for something to pop out at me. One verse that caught my eye was Psalm 55:22
"Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall."

One of my favorites that I read again is from Matthew 6.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

As I read these verses my stressed and troubled attitude seemed to slip away. I was reminded of the day in the park with Talia and Jessica. They had both had stressful days and we simply sat on a blanket and read scripture and that was enough to calm their spirits. Isn't it beautiful?

The birds verse will always remind me of Ashlei. She was the one who first really brought it to my attention and it has been a comfort to me ever since.

I will end with this verse form Proverbs 27.
"Ointment and perfume delight the heart and the sweetness of a friend gives delight by hearty counsel."
That is oh so true.
It was so relaxing and wonderful to be sitting there in the quiet and being able to read the scripture without interruption. I don't do it near enough.

California Dreamin'

I have been the queen of bad bloggers lately and I don't have an excuse, but this blog is filled with wonderful things so hopefully you all will let me off the hook. =)

A week ago today I was still in California. At this exact time a week ago I was sitting in the library with Ashlei reading a book about ghosts and hauntings. It was quite wonderful.
My entire trip can be described with the word wonderful and many other adjectives that all stem from that word.
I arrived on a Thursday night. Jeremy was there to pick me up from the airport and it took us about two hours to get back to the house where Talia and Emma were waiting up for us. Now I had dyed my hair red the night before I came and I wasn't quite sure about it yet and according to Talia, neither was Emma. This is what she had to say about it. "Mommy I'm really excited to see Auntie Lydia but I'm kind of scared of her hair." Well I am happy to say that once she actually saw it she wasn't scared of it and actually liked it. haha
You have no idea how excited and happy I was to see Talia again! I always miss our sister time and having two weeks ahead of us filled with nothing but sister time was glorious.
The next day I was woken up by two little girls with crazy hair and big smiles. Annabelle was on top of me in a moment showering me with kisses. Oh how lovely! I spent that first morning getting to be an Auntie, which is always delightful!
A little bit later Ashlei came to get me! She had just gotten back from the beach so she looked beachy and beautiful. She took me out to lunch at Chilis and we went and saw Twilight at the dollar theater. After that we went to Starbucks, which was just one of many trips to be taken there.
That was my first full day in California and it was great! Don't you think so?
The lovely Ashlei and myself

Talia and I also went to starbucks, along with renting movies. Some filled with fairies for the girls, ghosts for Jeremy, and Johnny Depp for us.
My days were filled with chats, playing princess, drinking coffee, watching supernatural, and just having a good time.

One very special even that happened while I was there was the birth of Rosalie Hope!! I was so blessed to be able to be apart of this! Rosalie is gorgeous and Talia is once again a beautiful new mother. Nothing beats snuggling with a tiny baby and Rosalie is such a good little cuddler. She loves snuggling against your neck.

Me with Rosalie on her very first day in the world!

Hanging with my girls at the marketplace! aren't they lovely?

Another very special thing that happened was that Ashlei took me to Disneyland! It was her surprise to me and as it was my very first time, you can imagine that I was pretty excited! Disneyland is amazing. You can't help but feel like a child when you're there. I was so excited about everything and it's so beautiful there. I was able to experience everything, from the lagoons in Pirates to flying over London in Peter Pan's Flight. We talked to Crush from Finding Nemo and were almost hit by a giant rolling rock in Indiana Jones. We experienced Snow White's Scary Adventures and the Wild Ride of Mr. Toad. We fell down the rabbit hole with Alice in Wonderland and were face to face with ghosts in the Haunted Mansion. It was fabulous being there with Ashlei! Thank you so much!!

The rest of my trip was spent holding my new niece, playing with the girls, talking with Talia, being a silly sister, reading scripture in the park, watching the trees blossom, sipping tea, and many many other lovely things.

Spending time with Talia is always so wonderful. Anyone who knows her knows how sweet and thoughtful she is. She's encouraging and beautiful. I loved every minute with her.

And getting to see Ashlei again was amazing. I needed my best friend time and no time ever seems long enough, but i'm so grateful for the time we got. There's no better person to grab a coffee with and share old memories. We did everything from watch the gorgeous Dean Winchester to get yelled at by boys who obviously never had mothers. It was all lovely, absolutely lovely.

I got my sister time.....

My best friend time...

And even some brother-in-law time....

Don't ask...lol



And of course some auntie time!!!

I loved it all! Thanks you guys for making it so special!

No, I didn't die...

I just haven't felt like blogging lately, but I'm here now!
Well not too too much has been going on. I've been busy working and all that good stuff but two weeks ago a friend from South Dakota flew in and she along with three other friends came to visit Jerusha and I! It was so fun! In the morning we hung out at Starbucks and went to Wendys for an early lunch. Jerusha and I then had to work, but later that evening we all went to Olive Garden which as you know is always delicious!
I thought I would share some pictures with you because that's just what I do. =)

Anna, Liz, and I hanging out at the office.
Anna and Liz were very skilled at building with the blocks. HAHA

Christian, Liz, and I squished in the backseat of Anna's car. It's supposed to be only three people. but we fit four cuz we're cool. =)

Me with the lovely Anna at Wendys!

Liz and Jerusha workin it at Starbucks.

Yes I was sitting on her lap in public and we were having a great time! lol

I love my Liz!!

You know what? I get to see her again, along with Jenna, Aaron, and Christian tomorrow morning!! I am seriously so excited!! Good times shall be had I'm sure. You'll be seeing pictures of that day as well. How can I resist sharing them with you all?

On other news...9 days till California!!!! No words can describe how excited I am for this! Technically it's 8 days because I leave a week from tomorrow, btu I thought I would count the actual day I leave because I won't get to Talia's till probably like 11 at night. Anyways YAY!

So how are all of you??

Have a great Wednesday everyone!